comfortably numb.

I wore a pink shirt and a skirt the other day.
Then last night I painted my toe nails pink.
(this is not normal)

I'm in a funny place. It's odd to know that some people I'm close to aren't really a phone call away. There are factors: time changes, service problems, costs. Stuff like this frustrates me.

Spending time at The Barn has probably been good for me. And it certainly is nice to get back in the saddle, but in many ways it frustrates me and I sense that I won't ride as much because of finances and lack of equine partners. I have some big decisions to make in that department.

AVH creeps into my mind quite often. (as should be expected) Emails don't provide comfort, it's tough when I know he isn't good with words in the first place. Or at least words that are supposed to describe feelings that relate to me. I'm fully capable of letting that sinking feeling consume me (to be logical I should just let it because I can't find answers to why this crazy stuff happened in the first place) but I've kept magnificent mental sanity by transfering my energy into making weepy playlists on iTunes and trying to write letters. But I still think AVH is worthy of consuming my thoughts.

Heading up north tomorrow with the telescope to revive my astronomy skills.