Part of the family, once again.

I can feel it slipping away. It's back to routine, back to everyone wanting a little piece, back to running around.

I rode today and it was amazing. I was impressed that I was able to get Felicita into a 2nd level frame, it's difficult for her. It's so easy to remember why I love riding and why I feel like I need to always have horses in my life, it makes me so happy.

In some ways it's comforting though. This evening it was just like being back in the Adopted Family; where the kids think I'm their older sister and we make milkshakes, remember times passed, and move furniture. So it's back into the swing, gossiping, talking horses and horror stories. Dinners and lemonade, Sunday morning breakfast and maybe even church (I haven't been in years, it would probably be good for me to go).

And so when I think I have it together so well I get into my car to drive home and I try not to let images of three weeks ago play through my head because my eyes begin to burn and I feel pathetic. But it's dark and cloudy and I have the windows open and it dries my face.

I keep looking for answers even though I know there aren't any that I can find.