the X factor.

AVH broke up with me.

Saturday, following an extremely upsetting phone conversation where I proceeded to throw various objects across the kitchen and dining room, and post-phone sobbing into my pillow the girls (all of us already dolled up for a night in Daytona Beach) dragged me (still unable to breathe) into the city where I spent the evening numb and crying.

Sunday I woke up knowing that I had to see him. By Sunday afternoon I had a plane ticket to Ft. Lauderdale and was on a plane by Monday evening.

Seeing him made me feel better, as it always does. Yet it was surreal, trying to accept that he's not my boyfriend anymore, trying to come to terms with the fact that our separation is due to circumstance and situation, not simply that we're incompatible.

It's good and it's bad. Part of me knows that I have some things (people) to explore but part of me also knows that AVH just isn't another boy.

But I'm okay. At least as much as one could expect in my situation.

Where to go from here? To know if we can still be friends or not is difficult to tell-- but as MP says: Chin up, chest up, you're a wonderful young girl and don't let anyone tell you anything different.