Nighttime music.

This city. To be near people my age, those becoming educated, this pocket of learning. I'm always amazed that every time I come back I still see familiar faces. I'm always left dwarfed by the institution; maybe it is too grandiose and maybe individuals are simply part of the collage, but there was something intriguing about that feeling of community.

My arrival has been a whirlwind of activity. Tucked beneath layers, scarf, hat, mittens. "You look good" they say. I'm finally starting to feel that good. Potentially the first real meal since the boat, and cappuccinos. Collapsed on the couch ("we can justify it, you're taken and I'm wounded") we catch up.

And I'm free. No gates, no duties, no commitments. I'm intoxicated by this freedom. A few hours and I've escaped, is that how simple it is? (no, it's not but I can't think that far just yet...) My evenings are dreamlike. And I'm dizzy and displaced and feeling sick, maybe last night wasn't a dream, maybe it was because I finished the last pill. The music was hypnotizing.


I know he floated in and out of my dreams but it didn't feel real this time.