Sever my legs, please.

Just above the knees. Both of them. I don't care if I won't be able to walk because honestly, I can't walk normally anyways. Approximately 4 (or is it 5 now?) weeks later, after the whole xray, MRI, poking and prodding experience I would expect to have some definitive results. I can't keep spending all this time waiting for them to figure out which drugs to give me, or which vitamins I should take, or which exercises are necessary for preventing throbbing pain. So as it comes down to it, typically in my style, I went for a run yesterday. I'm conscious of the fact that this has the potential to inflict lasting pain but there's always that chance that 'maybe this time it won't'. Plus, it was lovely out. I was proud of myself for not pushing it, which means not doing extra sprints at the end (which, by the way, seemed very appealing at the time). The initial soreness was to be expected but as I crawled out of bed this morning I had to pause to make sure that I wasn't actually 65 years old with an artificial hip and fake teeth. Because sometimes that's how I feel.

I felt like I was trekking to school. It was one of those days. I even almost crawled off my bike to walk it up the hill at Broadway. That says something.

Days like today are detrimental to my success in AP. But on the contrary, I think this is the first day of this sort that I've had all semester, so kudos to myself on that. I find the explanation for it in not living at Owen. It went something like this...

8:30am, Poetry.
Eyes bugging out of head, constant state of looking surprised. Shifting uncomfortably trying to adjust leg to a position without pain. Raise hand and contribute. (I like this class because I can always incorporate horses into the lecture and he thinks I'm brilliant because of it.)

10:00am, Political Thought.
Meander across campus in a slow limp. Opt for stairs rather than elevator to the third flood. Take position in back of class. Mm more comfortable chairs. Struggle to tune out the "umm's" during the lecture. Brief nap sounds lovely. Rest head on table and close eyes...mm...sleep. Crap, no, no sleep, lecture, focus. Meaningfully contribute to work group without doing the readings. (I must be on my way to becoming a typical AP student, all talk no show.)

11:30, OIP
Get lost in the union. Seriously. Have to return to the front entrance to find my way. The office is closed, damn.

11:50, Fish Bowl
Whhhhhyyyy are there never any computers open?! I'm sure people I know are staring at me...

12:00, French
One hour. I can stay awake and focused for this. Feel pleased that my efforts in studying the night before were helpful.

1:00, Cultures of Modernity
If Foucault hadn't been so, um, complex to start with, or if Foucault had been African, attention would have existed. Readjustments in the little desk, seriously my ass hurts by now. I know why they do this though, no comfortable chairs or we'll fall asleep. Eyes become crossed. Did I read this essay? I must have, I wrote all over it. I don't remember any of this. God, why won't AVH sms me? Shit, I'm out of RO water, should I refill from the drinking fountain? Noo, noo. Oh sms! Oh, it's Jin. God, his teacher is hitting on him again. Check watch. Seriously, 15 more minutes? Eternity!

2:40, OIP
Continued look of confusion. Give secretary my materials, hesitate, these could potentially be the explanatory variable for my extreme tiredness. I hope I didn't go to all the trouble for nothing.

2:50, leave campus.
I'm going to die. Is that popping sound my knee? Sleep. Do I really have to go home and simply just do more homework? Crap, exams next week.



At least I never fully fell asleep. Last year in Jane Austen I had days where I couldn't keep my eyes open. That was before I drank coffee. Not that I normally drink coffee, but still, it's nice to know there's an artificial element of awakeness at my disposal.

International Relations reading tonight? (did you catch my use of IR terms in this entry? I'm pleased with myself.) Seriously, you've got to be joking.