Track 13.

I told myself to assume that when you were singing this song that you weren't actually singing it to me as much as just simply singing it in general. Nonetheless it has assumed its meaning in my head; so that when I'm driving home and it comes on I fall into silence.

Despite the fact that this has been looming I've tried to place it behind Rowan and IR and, yes, even AP. These self preservation techniques are quite intriguing.

But things tend to fall into place. J.Mar called and apologetically asked me to delay my arrival to her house. And in the way things conspire I was left with just enough time to ring during the farewell gathering. So that's how life works sometimes.

I spent the whole evening in what could be considered the stance of agitation, trying to come up with words to write, tapping at the keyboard. You were on my mind. (it's what I had been trying to avoid the last few days.)

On the drive home I decided it's these mechanisms that make the intolerable tolerable. The silly things like keeping the letters in my desk drawer (rather than in the closet with everything else) or keeping my cell phone inbox full of sms' (why does it only hold 50?), and keeping every voice mail since August (...but don't worry, I don't listen to them very often, it's just nice to know that they're there and that I can listen to them if I desire).

I started to try to write in my black book again. I haven't picked it up since the RSA. It's weird to flip through it, I relate it to sorting through the laundry basket of ZA memories (that which I finally just shoved into my closet) something I don't want to do but something that I will eventually have to do.

New chapter. Indeed.