On life, with ponies.

It's hard for me to conceptualize the fact that I'll be leaving for Florida in just shy of a month. I'm beginning to think that it's one of those trips where you don't really realize that you're actually doing it until you've been in your intended destination for several days.

Florida. Anyone who is anyone in the dressage world goes to Florida for the winter. It's a great migration south, away from the snow and cold and into those convertibles and farms where board is $1500 per month. Maybe it's tough for me to imagine it because I can't imagine Rowan in Florida. I can't imagine how I am supposed to support myself and my horse for at least six months... on no income.

When I was younger I always figured that after I finished college I would be in a big corporate office in New York city, wearing my business suit and high heels. Now, 4 months out of college, I'm shoveling shit (ok not that I mind because Rowan is like my child) and wondering how I'm going to feed myself 3 months from now. My situation is so contradictory-- I'm about to spend a mini-fortune transplanting myself and my horse to Florida so that when I arrive I will have barely enough money for food, let alone any sort of romping around. Perhaps I'm placing too much faith in the notion that "it will work out"... I will find a side job for the one day I have off work (cringe) and will potentially learn how to be an effective yet brilliant and creative cook.

Actually, my stomach forms a knot when I think about it. Working 6 days a week with no foreseeable vacations, the sparse "working student diet", waking up at 6am, and *gasp* lack of wireless internet. Studying for the GRE, researching programs, applying, making decisions about a future that I'm not so sure about (not so sure in the fact that my next step after Florida will be to make some cash so I can live like a normal person). Sometimes I think that if I didn't have Rowan it would be easier, I wouldn't need to be tied to here or there or worry about feeling stuck if the situation is bad. But I have also taken into account that part of my decision in keeping him means that I accept the consequences of the WS position.

I'm starting to think about what to put on my list of things I need not forget while I'm down South, those important things that may be challenged while I'm down there.

Oh boy, Florida will sure be a big growing up experience...