Ready to leave?

I read about friends [Jin] who have picked up and moved on, to new places, new lives. I consider these 'great adventures' [LC would criticize me for using the single quote here, "that's improper use!"] but then again, I consider any type of picking up and going an adventure... because displacing yourself forces change and change usually brings about some discovery or realization about oneself or potentially the world.

So I get to thinking, I've been in pause for what feels like a very long time (actually it has only been about 4 months) and this uncertainty about where I'm going and what will happen after that is still unsettling. I love being at home. So what if it's cheap and lame and perhaps even childish (which is how JR kinda sees it), it's absolutely wonderful. My family is amazing, my space is comfortable, and any other home I have between now and making my own will never be the same. Of course there's something about this city, maybe Michigan isn't so bad, but my city, my campus; it will be traumatizing that my transplant will put me in a place where the closest store is a Walmart. For fuck's sakes, a Walmart. I refuse to shop there.

September is a big month. Turning 24. (which doesn't sound that old anymore) And moving on. Maybe that includes moving on to a place where I will struggle to support myself, that will be an enlightening situation, perhaps I can look at it as educational-- understanding what it's like to not have enough food for oneself. (don't worry, I probably won't run out of funds until about 2 months in.) And when it comes down to it, I will probably come back. Or, well, maybe I won't. I don't really know what will happen.

I sorted things out with AVH. It was the first time during our relationship where I've actually been angry with him. I don't like being angry with him because it makes me think irrationally. I learned some things from the situation though, and it feels good to know that we can sit down, talk, and that in the end, no matter how hard I try to resist, he can always make me laugh and smile.