the N word.

There's certainly one thing about listening to your heart, you must be prepared to receive the result. This evening my "second veterinary opinion" discovered that Rowan has "navicular bone degeneration." The digital x-rays show that he has two cyst-like lesions in the center of the bone right near the impar ligament. The good news is that I finally know what the problem is, the bad news is that navicular isn't something that will ever go away. The good news is that I can start working on treating it, the bad news is that treatment is expensive and a life-long process.

This news has been a tough. I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying when the vet told me the news. Rowan is my baby, he's like my child. Our journey South only solidified how much of a friend he is to me. I have to stop myself from thinking that if I had never come here he would have never ended up like this, but it was going to happen sooner or later. I guess sooner is better than later.

In the meantime, I will start treatment tomorrow with a pair of supportive front shoes. In terms of riding him, he should improve after having his feet done but I will still get both of his coffin joints injected with cortisone and hyaluronic acid to reduce any inflammation.

I'm extremely overwhelmed and beside myself with what I am supposed to do now. The money will sort itself out later, what's most important is getting Rowan to a point where he's comfortable and able to be put back to work (this past month he has really hated existing without a job). And myself? To not feel like I don't know my horse just because I've found this out-- and to try not to worry about it so much. As the P's would say "it's far away from his heart."

Sometimes I wish I weren't here feeling so alone and so far from home.